Breaking News: Sludge to Campaign in 2020


Sludgey Sludge announced today that he would campaign against President Trump for the 2020 Republican nomination. Critics scoff at this announcement citing Sludge’s notorious anti-environment record. Mr. Sludge is the president of the National Association for the Advancement of Alternative Facts about Fossil Fuels (NAAAFFF) and donor to Better Out Than In – a lobbying group committed to removing regulations on greenhouse gas emissions. Additionally, Mr. Sludge has been affiliated with companies that include as much lead in their paint and dump as much oil in nearby rivers that the law allows. One of these companies, We Give a Shit – But Not In The Way You Think We Do, was even documented to be dumping soiled diapers into Lake Erie just for shits and giggles.. “Sure, we could just let our employees use the restroom…but the law doesn’t say we can’t make them wear diapers and then drop those diapers wherever we see fit, plus without having to take bathroom breaks our productivity rates have increased significantly,” says CEO Butt Stinkley with a shit and a giggle.  

In response to these critiques, Mr. Sludge simply points to the legal system. “They complain that Sludgey Sludge took advantage of the recent reductions in environmental regulation. Well, why did President Trump change it? As President, he could have kept it the way it is, but he didn’t. Why did he change it? The reason he did is that he and all his friends want to take the same advantage that I do. And I do. You have provisions in the environmental code that, frankly, should not have been changed. But they were. I’m just taking advantage of what the system now allows.”

Careful observers note that while Mr. Sludge blames the lack of environmental regulation on his questionable actions, his primary policy platform is to further dismantle environmental legal regulation.

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